New year…new me?

I read 2 articles this morning that may well have put me in the mood for 2014. Usually I partake in the farce that is resolutions that I know I will never keep. Such as the yearly vow that this time chocolate won’t find me, or that I will definitely be rising at six to practice bikram yoga while drinking green tea followed by a cold shower, a lunch of fresh air and a celery stick. Not this year, no siree, I’m going for the achievable. What is this utterly achievable resolution? It’s called ‘get up off your arse, do something and stop moaning’. I know, it’s astounding…what a revelation.

This is where the two articles come in. I found them both on Facebook where someone I know had liked them. The first one is ‘6 harsh truths to make you a better person’ written initially for http://www.cracked.com. It invites you to write down 5 impressive things about yourself but you cannot count things you are, such as ‘nice/kind/thoughtful’. It has to be things that you can do. Anything counts. I berate myself constantly for not being good enough at anything and this helped me discover that maybe I am. I can, for example, upholster a chair. I can make and design my own cushion range. I can sing well enough to perform to hundreds of people in the Edinburgh Festival each year. I am a qualified beauty therapist. These are qualities that people pay for. So what is my point here and how does it relate to my resolution? Well the short answer is that I spend most of my life thinking that because I am a nice person and I try hard to do nice things, the universe will automatically reward me with an successfully run business, a nice car and my own flat. The article teaches you that actually the universe only cares about what you can provide for other people. In other words, your value comes from what you put out into the world. I don’t just mean money wise, I mean knowing that you are a nice person and that you deserve nice things doesn’t mean you will get them. Unless you try…and therein lies the rub for me I’m afraid. Afraid of abject failure, I sometimes give up before I even get going. A self preservation thing which actually sends you into a spiral of despair. The less you put into your own life,the less you get out. So rather than moaning on about my lack of an Etsy shop and how no one but family has bought cushions, I actually need to properly try to sell them. Properly put myself out there as an upholsterer and see what happens. The worst that can happen is I end up working back in a restaurant. Now that is a resolution I need to keep!

Second article is,and please excuse my language, ’14 fucks I refuse to give in 2014′. An article written by Chantielle MacFarlane, it essentially tells you to stop trying to force yourself to be something you’re not just because it’s a new year. The key points I took from this was to ‘stop lying to myself’ and the futility of trying to save a relationship. Lying to myself is key. I quite often said during my 4 1/2 years in a restaurant, that this was an ok job and so long as it pays the bills it doesn’t matter. True to an extent but also a big fat lie. I hate it. I know I have more to offer and more to give and so I refuse to settle for ok. If I must work in a job like that it has to be because I’m striving for a bigger goal. Not because I told myself I wasn’t worthy of anything more.

Which leads me on to my last point, the saving of relationships.I am a sensitive soul, and I think in my life I will probably have a few very good friends rather than a million acquaintances. And this is relevant to upholstery how I hear you say! Well it is. In the sense that I have put a lot of energy into chasing friendships in which the other person clearly no longer wants a part of. This constant reinforcing of rejection makes me unwilling to keep putting myself back out there and that is entirely entwined with my work and job fears. So this year, I’m not doing it to myself anymore. I will be perfectly content with the friends who actually want to see me!

This was a rambling blog I know but a necessary one, for me anyway. I will be back to my actual work blogs this week because I will be working feverishly to get my business up and running!

Til next time,
madebybracken x

ps.here is a picture of a chair…(incase you felt short changed reading an upholstery blog with no upholstery!)

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