I have been away this past week on holiday in Mallorca and the past couple of weeks have been something of an eye opener for me. The Monday before I went I had my open day at my course. This is essentially where you showcase your work and get given your mark for the year. I was so nervous. To be informed you have failed in something you love, in front of your boyfriend and family members would be hideous to say the least. I knew there was a prize for student of the year and also knew that wouldn’t be going to me. I knew who would get it….more on that later! So anyway, I got distinction. WOW this was the first eye opener for me.I generally feel I am crap at most things but this was definite proof that I am not!! And here it is in black and white that I in fact am rather good at this. So this was an eye opener in that it made me feel that really I have to have some self belief otherwise really I will get no where trying to run my own business!! Now back to that student of the year…. it wasn’t me needless to say and went to a woman who is very good, don’t get me wrong but who I think may have won because she talks the best game! She is the most confident woman I have ever met and has started her own business and freely promotes it and bigs it up all the time. I on the other hand do my self down all the time. I don’t think this is productive or wise and in getting the same mark as her in the course would suggest that there is no difference in our skill, just a marked contrast in our self belief. SO this was eye opener number two. The third came on my recent holiday to Deia in Mallorca. I haven’t flown for 7 years, it petrifies me. Absolutely and utterly is the worst thing I could thnk of to do. However I wanted to go on holiday and am sick of restriciting myself, so I went. Hefty dose of Diazepam and I was off. Once off the plane I informed everyone I had found God. These pills are strong!! However what I have really found and that which has stayed with me althrough the holiday and now that I am back, is a sense of purpose. I have a huge fear of flying because I am not in control and through that lack of control I found a weird sort of acceptance but also a new found desire and the understanding that I am in control of where I go from here….do I want to be doing upholstery on the side while I have to earn my actual money washing dishes? or do I want to be the best I can be and give it everything with confidence and self belief? I know Ive gone a bit philosophical here but these events have culminated in me feeling safe in the knowledge I am good at what I do and the desire to do even better. Oh and I sold my chair. amazing.
next time I’ll be back to chairs, I promise!!